YA Humor: Twilight Fans & The Librarians

Libraries are one of my favorite places to hang out, and have been since I was a kid in grade school. Librarians are cool. They are excited about reading and books. They are varied in age, and they aren't mild mannered much of the time because they have to deal with patrons who demand a turn at the computers, the copier, and worst of all, they have to deal with fans of the Twilight books. One day I was pondering what would happen if someone didn't return their copy of Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer, especially now that the movie is due out in June.

I'm willing to bet it would go like this:

Cool Librarian 1: Hey, did that copy of Eclipse come in yet?

Cool Librarian 2: No, and I am NOT a happy camper. The next patron on the list has come in SIX freaking times this week to check on it. SIX. This last time she threatened to prick me with her Twilight pin. Damn, she is stressed.

Cool Librarian 1: Let me try calling the patron again. (She picks up the phone. She has the number memorized.) Alas, she gets a voice mail, and has to leave a message.

"Hello, this is the head librarian AGAIN. We really need you to bring in that copy of Eclipse. The Twilight moms are threatening violence. We will wave your over due fee. Hell, I'LL pay your fee if you will drop the book off today. Pleeeeeeaaaassse."

A WEEK LATER

Cool Librarian 2: Please tell me that copy of Eclipse is here. I have three Twilighters out front and they are hissing at me. Apparently there are no copies within a 50 mile radius, and they are tired of waiting. Their eyes are black and I swear they are crouching like they are going to lunge at me. I'm frightened.

Cool Librarian 1: Sigh. I'll try calling again. (She gets a voice mail once again.)

"This is the library AGAIN, and I must insist you bring the copy of Eclipse in TODAY or I will call Charlie over at the police station to take action. This is getting serious. We can no longer hold off the Twilighters on the waiting list and YOU will be responsible for any violence on their part."

Cool Librarian 2: (Running and out of breath...) HELP ME...they just threw some kind of sparkly crap at the front desk. Patrons are crying, it's all over the place. One chick is threatening to whip off her Twilight shirt if we don't order another copy of Eclipse. There are CHILDREN out there and she's going to fricking strip!

As you can see the situation is dire. Things escalate and the police are called. The Twilighters are taken to the station to cool off; their families are called. The library closes early and an arrest warrant is issued for the woman who has the copy of Eclipse. Can you blame them? NO ONE should hog a copy of a book in the Twilight series, especially the THIRD book for Pete's sake.

The lesson: Return your library books. Be considerate. Lastly, NEVER fool with a Twilight reader, things could turn ugly.

~Moonsanity